Mind exaggerated details. See if the person appears to be telling you too much. An example might be, "My mom is living in France, isn't it nice there? Don't you like the Eiffel tower? It's so clean there." Too many details may tip you off to the person's desperation to get you to believe what is being said.
Be aware of impulsive emotional responses. Timing and duration tends to be off when someone is lying. If you ask someone a question and he or she responds directly after the question, there is a chance that the person is lying. This can be because the liar has rehearsed the answer or is already thinking about the answer just to get it over with. Another tell can be omission of relevant time facts, such as saying "I went to work at 5am and when I got home at 5pm, he was dead"––in this glib example, what happened in between has been all too conveniently glided over.
Pay close attention to the person's reaction to your questions. A liar will often feel uncomfortable and turn his or her head or body away, or even subconsciously, so as to put an object between the two of you. While an innocent person would go on the offensive (usually responding with anger, which will often be revealed in a micro-expression directly after you say you don't believe what he or she has said), a guilty person will often go immediately on the defensive (usually by saying something to reassure his or her facts, such as deflections). However, remember that defensiveness can be a sign of innocence too, as a person may be shocked or ashamed to be accused of any wrongdoing.
- A truthful person will often respond with even more detailed explanations to expressions of disbelief in his or her story, while someone aiming to deceive won't be ready to reveal much else but keeps repeating what has already been established.
- Listen for a subtle delay in responses to questions. An honest answer comes quickly from memory. Lies require a quick mental review of what they have told others to avoid inconsistency and to make up new details as needed. Note that when people look up to remember things, it does not necessarily mean that they're lying––when concentration is required, this is a natural instinct.
- Using/repeating your own exact words when answering a question
- Stalling tactics, such as asking for a question to be repeated Other stalling tactics include stating that the question asked is excellent, that the answer isn't so simple as yes or no, or confrontational style responses such as "It depends on what you mean by X" or "Where did you get this information?"
- Avoiding use of contractions, namely saying "I did not do it" instead of "I didn't do it"––this is an attempt to make it absolutely clear what the liar means
- Vocal pitch rising or straining; speaking in a monotonous tone, speaking with a jumpy tone, or allowing pitch to rise and fall unnaturally
- Avoiding direct statements or answers (deflections)
- Speaking excessively in an effort to convince
- Leaving out pronouns (he, she, it, etc.)
- Speaking in muddled sentences; liars often stop mid-sentence, restart and fail to finish sentence
- Using euphemisms to avoid giving voice to reality is commonplace
- Using humor and/or sarcasm to avoid the subject
- Using statements such as "to be honest", "frankly", "to be perfectly truthful", "I was brought up to never lie", etc. can be a sign of deception
- Looking away only briefly when asked a difficult question––a person telling the truth will tend to look away for a time to concentrate
- A noticeable lack of negative elements in the discussion (except for cancelled plans or delays); honest people tend to refer to both negative and positive events in conversation
- Allowing silence to enter the conversation; this could follow saying simply "yes" or "no" and the silence indicates that the liar needs to buy time to fabricate an answer
- Answering too quickly with a negative statement of a positive assertion, such as "Did you wash those pots lazily?" answered by "No, I did not wash those pots lazily", as an attempt to avoid the impression of a delayed answer
- Pausing at an unusual time, such as in the middle of a sentence.
When a person mumbles and looks down it can be a sign, especially when they are speaking faster than usual to get it over and done with.
Someone might try to change the subject while lying such as saying "so I went–Hey are you wearing make up?".
Unearthing lying through your own responses
Be careful. Although it is possible to detect
dishonesty and lying, it is also possible to misread deception where
there is none. A range of factors could be causing a person to appear as
if he or she is lying when the "signs" shown might instead be caused by
embarrassment, shyness, awkwardness or a sense of shame/inferiority
that leads a person to accept blame and "feel guilty" or defensive even
though he or she isn't responsible. Moreover, a stressed person can be
easily mistaken as a liar, simply because some of the manifestations of
being stressed mimic lying indicators––there are only so many ways our
bodies can express emotions. It is imperative that any observation of a
person suspected of lying involves drawing together a "cluster" of
deceptive behaviors and responses, as there is no single "aha!" sign.
When assessing the body language, verbal responses and other indicators
said to be indicative of lying, consider factors such as:
- Is the person unduly stressed in general, not just from the situation in which he or she is in now?
- Is there a cultural factor involved? Perhaps the behavior is culturally appropriate in one culture but is seen as dishonest behavior in another.
- Are you personally biased or prejudiced against this person? Do you want this person to be lying? Be careful of falling into this trap!
- Is there a history of this person lying? Namely, is he or she experienced at it?
- Is there a motive and do you have a good reason for suspecting lying?
- Are you actually any good at reading lies? Have you taken into account the entire context and not simply zoomed in on one or two possible indicators?
Establish a baseline. A baseline is how someone behaves when he or she is not lying––this serves as the baseline for comparison. As explained in the previous step, establish a rapport and try to make the person comfortable in your presence. Begin by getting to know the person if you don't already, such as his or her name, what he or she does for a living/hobby/studies, etc. and proceed from there––people usually answer such questions truthfully. For someone you do know already, if you still need to check for a baseline, ask how he or she is doing in something you know about him or her, such as a particular project or job.
Learn to spot deflections. Usually, when people are lying, they will tell stories that are true, but are deliberately aimed at not answering the question you asked. If a person responds to the question "Did you ever hit your wife?" with an answer such as, "I love my wife, why would I do that?", the suspect is technically telling a truth, but is avoiding answering your original question. This may indicate that he or she is lying or trying to conceal something from you.
Ask open ended questions at all times. Avoid giving any facts or information that could be used to reconstruct the story or embellish things already said.
Ask the person to tell the story backwards. This is very hard to do, especially when requiring no loss of the details. Even a professional liar can find this reversal of approach a hard one to tackle effectively.
Stare at the alleged liar with a look of disbelief. If the person is lying, he or she will soon become uncomfortable. If the person is telling the truth, he or she will often become angry or just frustrated (lips pressed together, brows down, upper eyelid tensed and pulled down to glare).
Use silence. It's very hard for a liar to avoid filling a void created by you. He or she wants you to believe the lies being woven; silence gives no feedback on whether or not you've bought the story. By being patient and remaining silent, many deceitful people will keep talking to fill that silence, embellishing and possibly slipping up in the process, without even being asked anything more.
- Liars try to read you to see if you've bought the tale. If you don't show any signs of something to monitor, many liars will feel uncomfortable.
- If you're a good listener, you'll already be avoiding interruptions, which in itself is a great technique to let the story unfold. Practice not interrupting others if you have this tendency––not only will it help you to detect lies but it'll make you a better listener generally!
Tips
- The more you get to know someone, the better you will become at recognizing their thinking style and the better you will become at knowing when they may be straying from the truth.
- Most people tell the truth most of the time and will cherish their reputation. Liars will "sail close to the wind"––they'll artificially bolster their reputation so that they seem more credible or desirable than they actually are.
- Liars might use objects around them to help put detail into their lies. For example, there might be a pen on the table and then they will include a pen in their story. This could be another give away that the person is lying.
- Some people may have reputations for lying. Keep this in mind, but don't let it lead your opinion. People change all the time and the effect of turning over a new leaf can be destroyed by a lack of faith in a person due to his or her past reputation. Prior reputation isn't everything––as with the signs of lying, it has to be taken as part of the broader context, on a case-by-case basis. Consider too that sometimes those with prior reputations are particularly to be set up by another who might benefit from this person taking the blame.
- Some people are extremely experienced or even professional liars. He or she has told their made up story so many times that they are actually believable, getting all their days, dates and times down perfectly! In reality, our memories are reformed a little every time we retell them, so making up memories to deceive oneself isn't so unusual either. Sometimes, you may need to simply accept that you can't catch every lie all the time.
- Some of the behaviors outlined above may occur when somebody concentrates deeply on speaking (for example, when the topic is sophisticated or the person is stressed).
- Those established as clinical psychopaths or sociopaths may lie for a living, as they manipulate reality to conform to what they prefer to see. Rather than trying to catch out such people, look after yourself first and don't get caught up in their webs of deceit. Such people care naught for anyone but themselves and won't hesitate to pile lie upon lie, no matter how much hurt it inflicts upon you.
- Botox or other plastic surgery may also interfere with tells and give false positives. It's hard to express yourself clearly when your face is frozen in place by cosmetic treatments...
- Some of the behaviors of a liar listed above also coincide with reactions and behavior of someone who might not be lying at all. People who are nervous, shy, easily frightened, guilt-ridden for some other reason, etc. can react nervously and poorly when interrogated or placed under pressure. Such people can easily become defensive if accused of lying, particularly those with a strong sense of honesty and justice. This may seem like they're lying, but they're often just shocked or ashamed to be put at the center of attention unexpectedly.
- A good way to practice your lie detection skills is to watch a court television program like Judge Judy and see if you can tell who's lying. Trust your instincts and then watch carefully to see if you can detect some lying tells of the person you least trust in the case (although sometimes they are both lying!) If you agree with the judge's verdict then you have probably detected the same signs she has.
- Make sure you know the person well.
- Make sure you're positive they're lying before you call them on it! You wouldn't want to ruin your friendship/relationship for no reason.
Warnings
- Someone who is deaf or hard-of-hearing may need to watch your mouth instead of your eyes in order to lip read or better understand what you are saying.
- Body language is one indicator; it is not a fact. Don't punish a person simply because of your reading of body language and tells. Always find concrete evidence before drawing final conclusions. Moreover, don't turn unearthing a liar into a "I'll be played for a fool if I don't take this seriously" situation; leave your personal sense of righteousness to one side and look for facts, motive and broader consequences. While you have every right to feel betrayed and hurt if someone has lied in a way that has caused you harm, wanting someone to be a liar because this fits in with your own biases can cloud your judgment.
- Be careful of how often you appraise others' truthfulness. If you are always looking for lies, people may avoid you out of fear of a grilling. Being on the offensive and suspecting everyone all the time is not vigilance––it's a sign of an obsessive lack of trust in others.
- Forcing a smile is often just an attempt to be polite; don't take this personally. If someone fakes a smile for you, it can also mean that he or she wants to make a good impression on you, valuing you as a person and showing respect.
- Some people with developmental disabilities like Autism or Asperger's syndrome are very reluctant to make eye contact or do not make eye contact at all. This is a trait of the Autism spectrum and not a sign of dishonesty.
- Be aware that some people like to stare at you eye-to-eye. They may have trained themselves to do this, they may use it as a way to put others on edge or they might just think it's being polite because someone told them to maintain eye contact as a matter of courtesy!
- Remember that eye contact is considered rude in some cultures, so this may explain why a person is reluctant to look at you in the eye consistently. Moreover, people who have experienced difficult upbringings/relationships or violence in which being submissive was a way to stay safe, etc. may avoid eye contact as a matter of habit or through a lack of self confidence. Shy people often have the the same body language as a liar (for example, avoiding eye contact, not liking being around other people, nervousness, etc.), so before jumping to conclusions and punishing the innocent, base your facts on facts, not on what you think establishes a liar by textbook checklists.
- Studies show that interrogations of a suspected liar should always be performed in his/her mother tongue as even expert speakers of a foreign language will not show the same reactions (in spoken language as well as body language) if questioned in a language acquired later in life.
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